got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
