somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
