I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
