He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
