I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I will pee on everything he values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize