you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize