nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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