You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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