I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
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In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
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Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize