Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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