I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
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