I wish my penis had an off switch
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
