I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
