your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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