I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
