i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
