Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
