1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
