Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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