idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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