plz talk dirty to me
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
