hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
