i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
