I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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