i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
