remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
