Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
