Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
