if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Life is so much better after having sex.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
