smell my finger.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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