wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
