then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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