It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
