Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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