you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
