i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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