The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize