I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
