morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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