She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize