You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
