dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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