what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
