if i can run in heels then i can drive
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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