I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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