Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
