I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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