Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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