His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
