so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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