Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Let's get the cat blown out
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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