I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
