I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
