My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
