At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Let's paint friendship bongs
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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