what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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