She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Randomize