I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
