she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
