hotel room ftw
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
