just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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