I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I want a musical about memes.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
