Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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