WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Randomize
