I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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