Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
