She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
