craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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