Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
where are you?
Hypothermia
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
