That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
