oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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