You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
