My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
